When To Let Go

A long and happy relationship is something we all look forward to; a good marriage is a source of great joy and comfort. In our country, marriage is looked upon as a lifelong commitment. Although the rate of divorce has gone up in recent times, it is still not looked upon favorably and most people prefer to not resort to it; instead choosing to stay in unhappy marriages at a great cost to their overall well being, happiness and confidence. 

Keeping this in mind, it makes sense to choose your life partner wisely. Small irritants and negatives can be overlooked, but there are certain red flags that absolutely must not be ignored. Abuse, violence, and dishonesty are obvious deterrents, however there are other, more subtle signs which indicate that your relationship is not likely to be a happy one. 

If any of the following signs are present in your relationship, know that its time to cut strings and move on.

Ø Your partner keeps trying to change you:

Being with someone who finds it hard to accept you as is, and keeps trying to 'improve' you, can take an immense toll on a your self esteem. It doesn't take much to understand how damaging constant negative feedback can be, especially from someone who is supposed to be in love with you. Such people are likely to use emotionally manipulative tactics by telling you what they're doing is "for your own good" and "because they love you". On the contrary, they will make you feel like a 'bad' partner for not fulfilling their 'needs' in the relationship. Understand that their wanting to change you 'for the better' is not love. It is selfishness.

Ø Your partner has priorities which take precedence over the relationship:

If the person you're thinking of marrying has other priorities or commitments greater than your relationship and is unable to invest the needed time or effort, you are certain to experience a perpetual lack of fulfillment. A relationship with someone who is rarely available for you is guaranteed to leave you feeling neglected and wanting all the time. So don't settle for crumbs, because you deserve the whole cake.

Ø You don't see eye to eye on the basics:

One of you is very religious; the other is a staunch atheist. One is a complete spendthrift, the other careful with money. One wants kids, the other doesn't. One wants to live in a joint family, the other hates the very idea. One loves to socialize, the other is an introvert who likes to spend evenings alone. One is very traditional, the other liberal. Get my drift?  If you are both very different in essence and personality, this is likely to be a source of conflict.

Ø Your partner constantly puts you down:

If your partner constantly criticizes you in private, it will chip away at your confidence. If he or she does this in front of others, it is also a mark of absolute disrespect. Why would you want to be with someone who neither cares about how you feel, nor has any respect for you?

Ø Your partner always wants to call the shots:

If your significant other always wants to have the final say with little regard to your wishes, you are likely to feel resentful and angry after a point. Its even worse if he or she starts telling you what to do, where to go, whom to be friends with, and how to conduct yourself. Being in a relationship with an overly dominating or controlling person can be extremely frustrating, and can affect a person's self esteem and confidence.

Ø Your partner has a roving eye:

Be wary if he or she is always checking out the opposite sex, commenting on them in front of you, and comparing you to them. This indicates fickle-mindedness and a complete lack of respect for your feelings. The probability he or she will cheat on you sometime down the line is much higher. Why even take that chance when you can find someone who appreciates you wholly?

Ø Your partner has a selfish streak:

If you have noticed that your partner cares only for his or her own fulfillment and has little concern for yours, you are not likely to gain much satisfaction from your relationship. Give and take has to be balanced between both partners, as anything more or less will lead to resentment.

It is definitely not easy to leave a relationship; we all have a tendency to keep hoping that things will turn out OK, that we should give it another chance or some more time. Bear in mind that taking a hard decision to leave, before you marry someone who consistently makes you unhappy, is the wisest thing you can do. It can save you a whole lot of heartache and hassle at a later stage.

Leaving is much better than staying on in a relationship which takes away more from your happiness than adds to it. The low that you experience when you walk out is temporary, but the feeling of relief you experience after you break the cycle will always remain, as a mark of your wisdom. And last, but not the least, leaving a toxic relationship gives you the chance to meet other wonderful people and get the happiness you truly deserve!

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