The recent death of a young Delhi girl who was brutally gangraped and battered by six barbarians has left most of us reeling in shock.
Now, what angers me even more than incidents like this is the attitude of our general public towards victims of sex crimes. I've heard people say she's better off dead, because "she'd never be able to live a normal life after this".
Able? No. She wouldn't have been allowed, by a judgmental society which asks questions and makes statements like these: "Who will want to marry her now? How will she live a normal married life? People will always question her character. She will be shunned by society. Her life is ruined. She is reduced to a 'zinda laash'. Her family will have to bear this shame forever. How will she show her face in public?"
But we have it all wrong! By compelling rape survivors to hide behind silhouettes, we're making a HUGE mistake - we are validating that being raped implies 'loss of honour', and fulfilling the rapists objective of looting 'izzat'.
No one thinks of hiding the identities of victims of robbery or murder, do they? A rape survivor is however compelled to cover her face and beg for privacy, because people erroneously link anything related to sex with morality and honour ('izzat').
Until we stop regarding sex as 'immoral' & linking sex crimes to 'loss of izzat', potential rapists will continue to employ rape as a tool to 'punish' women.
Until we stop treating the survivor as though her life is ruined and expecting her to live like a pariah, can we ever hope for fairness or justice?
If anyone should lose 'izzat', its the perpetrator, NOT the victim.
We, yes WE, need to let survivors of sex crimes live normal lives. They have not done anything wrong. A fundamental change is needed in the way we think. The day we stop linking anything sexual to 'morals' and 'honour' is the day things will change for the better. Here's where the West scores over us.
Change will not come overnight, possibly not in our lifetime. It will take a few generations for this flawed thinking to pass. From the extent of these protests, it is evident that there are many good men and women who have already started spearheading the movement for fairness and justice. I appeal to our present generation to start working towards this change. 'Nuff said, begin today.
Ø Stop moral policing with IMMEDIATE effect. Counsel those who indulge in it.
Ø DON'T teach your children that sex is immoral or shameful; but DO educate them about the possible risks involved.
Ø DON'T pass on warped notions of honour and morality to your kids; but DO teach them to be good human beings who respect all life equally.
Ø Under NO circumstance should you teach your sons (and daughters) that women are inferior and are born to serve men's needs.
Ø And please, STOP the sexism; bring them up without instilling gender stereotypes or biases in their minds.
Text © 2012 http://e-pinion.blogspot.in
All pictures have been sourced from Google Images
think you are Bang ON!! THIS NEEDS TO BE IMPLEMENTED WITH IMMEDIATE AFFECT!!
ReplyDeleteThere is no other way, if you really think of it. Turning to the government and the law will never yield results unless we make changes at the individual and societal level. Members of the police, judiciary and government are part of US. Therefore, WE need to start thinking differently, without further ado.
DeleteWe are changing the way we live eat & relax,but not the way we think.
ReplyDeleteThat is the most critical change needed.
DeleteThis poor girl was not just raped - she was brutalized, beaten up, bashed and battered. That was what killed her after all. And yet...people still talk of her as the "gang rape" victim - as if that matters more than anything else.
ReplyDeleteYou're right. We as people make such a big damn deal of sex. It's absurd. And linking sex to honor...heights of stupidity.
Absolutely. That is the fundamental flaw in our thinking. It needs to change.
Deletewell said ....good post
ReplyDeleteim so upset the way society treats them ....1st of all stop calling them victim ....
True, and why should survivors be compelled to ashamed to the point of hiding their identities? They have done nothing wrong. If anyone should be shamed and blamed, its the perps.
DeleteThanks for your nice post.
ReplyDeleteGlad you appreciated it.
DeleteA diffrent nd nice take on it... Nicely put up... Best thing is change need time... And we hav to try fr it.. Keep writing happy new year
ReplyDeleteYes, as I said, it will take a few generations at the very least. It starts with each one of us.
DeleteGood one, Ash. Morality should not be linked to sex and the victim should never be shamed. But I disagree about gender bias being absent or less in the West. If equality is just limited to wearing what one likes and having an active sex life from teenage years, then yes. There are many other and insidous ways in which this bias is thrust on people. Also the rapes and violence are not just because of patriarchy, however much we want to believe it is because of that. There are many more issues and complex ones at that. Sexual liberation might not solve this problem unless the others are addressed simultaneously.
ReplyDeleteGender bias is absent nowhere, aunty, not even in the West. Rape and violence happen in the West too. BUT, my point was... the West scores way above us in the sense that these societies do not resort to victim blaming and treat her as though she has invited rape or done something shameful. That in itself makes a world of difference.
DeleteWell said!
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteAs always, you are on the spot! Thanks for writing this on behalf of ALL Indian women, who live in constant fear of being physically abused or commented upon. When I say "constant fear," do I mean it? Yes, I do, one hundred percent. I am talking about even those women who do not have to use public means of transportation. If you have a driver, you will be worried about when he might show his true colors. If you are out driving your car and you make a second's hesitation to move at a traffic signal, the "honorable men" of our country will peep in on you from both sides and pour insults on you. At best, they will say, "Women! You should sit at home . . ." This is India! If we walk out, we have to listen to a million comments and jeers and catcalls. If it is late in the night, then yeah, she is AVAILABLE!
ReplyDeleteI am ashamed, for I am a part of this society's hypocrisies. I am ashamed, for I am a mother and responsible for every misconceived notion that my son might have in the future about girls and women. I am ashamed, for I am a sister and I know what my brothers sometimes think of women, and no matter how much I protest, even the women in my family will work towards strengthening my brothers' superior attitude. I am ashamed, for I have listened to my male friends insulting women and failed to stop them from repeating it. I am ashamed, for I am a daughter who has watched her parents wailing about the fact that they do not have a son and felt like a "failure." I am ashamed because I still see girls being given the inferior treatment and ignore it. I am ashamed, for I choose to ignore what women are facing every day and indulge in my comforts and fight only my own fights. I am ashamed of all the Anita Shuklas and politicians who support khap panchayats and honor killings. I am ashamed to belong here.
I have similar sentiments, Sithara... I hope we - the new generation - can help change the overall picture, with time.
DeleteCouldn't agree more. But things are changing, even though it will take a LOT of time for this change to reflect. Lets hope India awakens before it is too late.
ReplyDeleteI sincerely hope so. Each one of us has to help make a difference - through our actions and behaviour.
DeleteI totally agree with what Zephyr says. I feel similarly.
ReplyDeleteI only hope this change comes sooner than later. How much more can people tolerate? As parents and influencers, I hope our generation can bring their kids up with a fairer and more balanced outlook.
DeleteI agree that rape shouldnt be linked with honour. Sex per se is not immoral but indiscriminate sex is..
ReplyDeleteWest also has biases, and they also have all these problems, and many others too.which we shall aslo going to get as wea re following them.the only thing better there is law and order system and the help is always fast
Even indiscriminate sex isn't immoral aunty - yes, its risky and has emotional repercussions - but I honestly feel it has nothing to do with morals. It is merely a choice, with its own, associated risks.
DeleteAll societies have biases... gender, color, race, creed, religion... its human nature to discriminate. But we can't deny that the West outscores us on this one - they don't go blaming the victim or accusing her of inviting sexual abuse. Moreover, their justice and legal systems appear to work better than ours.
I hear you loud and clear , Hope rest of the nation can also hear it ..
ReplyDeleteSad sad
Bikram's
I hope so too, Bikram!
DeleteI happened to have read the last 3 of your articles in the sequence they were written (the first one incidentally written just days before the issue of crimes against women assumed nationwide recognition). Through these three articles you have pretty much put out front almost all the nuances of the issue. I felt this was right on mark since it talked of viable solutions.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I personally believe that the need of the hour is effective policing. Societies take long to change, the India Gate public still has a long way to go. Until then, our women can not be left at the mercy of this society or the country's flawed institutions. A swift overhaul is the need of the hour.
Absolutely right. The only thing that can save the present day situation is the law. Change, as I said, is going to take generations.
DeleteThe thinking and attitude towards women need to change radically and yes the men who indulge in such acts need to be shamed
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. The men who perpetrate these crimes are solely at fault.
DeleteTrue. We need to change mindsets. The entire way of thinking. It will take decades in an evolving society. But a beginning has been made.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, and our generation must perpetuate that beginning.
DeleteExactly, this is what even I hate, as if she has committed the crime. We need to change the definition of what is right and wrong. Hope the movement India is working from the past few weeks gets some results...
ReplyDeleteI hope so too, Saru... I really hope things start to change for the better. It will take generations to come about. For now, we need the legal system to undergo a revamp, before anything else, with immediate effect.
DeleteOnly a sound, rational mindset can write such a brilliant post.
ReplyDeleteVery well written. Like many of your other posts it is sensible and thought provoking. Keep Writing and do take a back up of all your posts, it's worthwhile.
Thank you!
DeleteRead this a while back but only commenting now. I just wanted to say: BRILLIANT! I totally agree with you on all points. I recently watched this doco called 'The Purity Myth' which focuses on America's obsession with a woman's virginity. Mind you...just a woman's. It doesn't matter if a man has sex a gazillion times before he gets married but god forbid a woman does that.
ReplyDeleteSuch an issue over an insignificant tissue! What nonsense :/
DeleteAsh,
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you on this issue. We need to change mindset of our society starting with ourselves first. What a rape victim needs most is support and not looking down upon by us. I hope and pray that what you say in the end comes true.
Take care
Absolutely, uncle. There is no reason to shame them. They've done nothing wrong.
DeleteWell said Ash... :D
ReplyDeleteThe only way ahead!
DeleteExcellent post! very very motivating and yes this has to come into action soon!
ReplyDeleteI hope so too, Ramya! I hope it does.
DeleteThank you for this post, Ash! I too wrote a post questioning why we play the blame game of the rape survivor. I hope we can finally change our mentality....at least the so-called educated lot of us!
ReplyDeleteIt is really needed now, Roshni... people like us need to spread the word, influence others... and reject unfair patriarchal/misogynistic thinking.
DeleteCouldn't agree more!
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear.
DeleteCompletely agree. A girl has to bear this or is made to bare all this trauma for no mistake of hers. This attitude of whisking them off should change.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. And since it will take generations to bring about a mindset change, the law needs to be attacked first and reformed with urgency.
DeleteMoral policing and religion based inflammatory speeches Won't stop. Why? Since our national parties depend on them for votes.
ReplyDeleteTwo, why do we allow the rapists to mask their faces while going to court ? Why can't we force them to show their faces, so that the world knows who they are ?
Absolutely... it's all a game of power and one-upmanship.
DeleteAs for your second point, I guess they're allowed to mask their faces till they're proven guilty by the law.