The recent gang rape of a young girl in a moving bus has left most people shocked and disgusted. Men and women alike have taken to the streets in protest, demanding that the rapists be hanged in punishment.
I would be happiest if these criminals were quickly brought to justice. Let's assume they're hanged or castrated or jailed for life. What next? Will women be safer henceforth?
They won't... because the great Indian value system has bred a culture which fosters crime against women. Rape is NOT the real disease that plagues us. Rape is a SYMPTOM of the disease - i.e. the pervasive and deep-rooted misogyny - that plagues patriarchal societies like ours.It isn't just the lower/uneducated strata of society within which this systemic rot exists. Look into educated and enlightened circles; you'll come across signs of the all-pervasive sexist mindset and uncover enough instances of gender bias. It is so deeply embedded in people's thinking, that most of us take it for granted and accept it as a part of daily life. Here are some common examples:
1. Boy and Girl are getting married. Girl's family pays for the entire wedding and even gifts money/valuables to Boy's family. Once married, Boy may stay on with his parents, but Girl is expected to leave her family and move in with his, and adjust unflinchingly to a whole new way of life. "Ladke wale" are seen as superior beings all through, and thereafter.
2. The Son is rarely (if ever) asked to help around the house in any way. He's excused if he doesn't help with chores because 'it isn't his job', but the Daughter is expected to do so as a matter of duty.
3. People automatically tend to assume a woman is 'loose' if they see her smoking or drinking or sitting in a pub/club or wearing 'revealing' clothes or hanging around with guys. Parents balk when the Daughter does it, people cast aspersions on the characters of women who indulge. The same people rarely protest if the Son indulges.
These are only a few of the many instances of sexism or misogyny we take for granted as commonplace in the average Indian home. I needn't even get into details about the overwhelming desire to produce male children, and the alarming extent of female foeticide/infanticide in our country. Domestic violence is a regular occurrence in many homes too, both urban and rural. If all this is is what our sons grow up witnessing, how can we expect them to turn into unbiased men who respect and regard women as equals? The average Indian child, especially the Son, is conditioned to believe that brothers, fathers and husbands hold a higher position than do sisters, mothers, and wives.
It is pointless to pin the blame solely on the legal system, for treating female victims of sex crimes unfairly. The police or judiciary may well be at fault, but who makes up these bodies? Members of the same misogynistic society do. No surprise then, that this is what the Indian police force thinks of rape and rape victims.
Times are changing and there are several men who have been brought up as decent and fair people, who stand equally disgusted by our society's misogynistic attitude. Unfortunately, this number is small. Unless the common Indian citizen undergoes a sea change in mindset, hanging these six rapists won't deter wrongly-conditioned men from committing more such crimes. Not unless our society stops teaching daughters to dress and behave modestly, but instead, starts teaching sons to be fair human beings who respect everyone regardless of gender.
Text © 2012 http://e-pinion.blogspot.in
All pictures have been sourced from Google Images
Very well pointed out Ash. The social fabric needs to undergo a change. It has started but in smaller doses so the change will take a lot of time to actually show itself in the society. Till then we can keep trying to change the dynamics.
ReplyDeleteTrue.... hope this current social mindset washes away with the next couple of generations...
DeleteWell said, Ash! The psyche, the mentality, the way we bring up our sons that has go undergo a sea-change!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely... that's where the root cause lies.
Deletevery well written Ash! Proper Education is the only thing that may ensure safe society!!! But alas I dont see this going anywhere!!!
ReplyDeleteFantastic post!
Education in the area of being a good human being.... yes!
DeleteWell Said Ash. We have a loooooooong way to go for all the changes to take effect but I hope they do some day....
ReplyDeleteI hope so too, Jaish... it's going to take a few generations, at the very least.
DeleteWell said, though i dont agree completely....
ReplyDeletewho brings up the sons?
and who gives more importance to sons?,,
its the mother only, so the big fault lies with women only...
Teaching daughter to behave is not wrong, but not teaching sons to behave is...
To kill ravan, we dont need another ravan but a ram..
Mothers also teach what they have seen and been taught, Renu aunty... unfortunately, the sexist attitude is so deep rooted, it passes from generation to generation... Moreover, the father has an equal role in setting a good example in front of his sons / daughters and teaching his offspring good standards of behavior. One cannot just blame the mother for it. If a son sees his father dominating / mistreating his mother as an accepted way of life, he is likely to grow up with distorted notions.
DeleteMen are equally responsible. They need to take equal charge of bringing up children well.
I agree. One of my friend's 4 year old son says that when he grows up, he will drink every night and hit his wife...just like his dad does to his mom. If that is what he sees everyday, that is what he will grow up with.
DeleteSee, this is exactly what I mean... The father hits the mother, the mother takes it silently, his parents think its justified, her parents tell her its 'a woman's lot' and she should suffer in silence.... and society at large believes that she's better off staying with an abusive husband, because leaving him as being divorced is a 'stigma'.
DeleteAnd this is what the child is being exposed to, day in and day out!
Do also remind your son that its NOT OK to abuse anyone, even a wife, lest he be even slightly influenced by what his friend says. He might even be able to counsel his friend, if you counsel him well. The viral effect might work. :)
I agree with what you have written .. But .. there is a lot that needs doing and just blaming on society etc is not going to do anything ..
ReplyDeletemajority of the people say a lot of things, but when it comes to their own its ok, for example many say No dowry , no dowry but when they want their own son -brother etc to get married they want the girl to bring things..
We have it in our GENES.. it will take a long long time and everyone will need to change.. It is a long process ..
lets hope things change
Bikram's
Exactly my point when I say that if you look into so many educated and enlightened homes, you will come across the same sexist attitude.
DeleteTrue Ash! This is a multi-pronged problem. Changing the attitude of the society towards women is a key step to address this issue along with a swift judicial process and good implementation of rules.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely... we get what we give. If we want to see change happening, we need to develop the right attitude first.
Deletefantastic post - totally agree with u here!
ReplyDelete:)
DeleteAsh, this post comes like a gust of fresh air and you are absolutely right about bringing in a change of attitude and mindset to stop further decay of our society!At least the younger generation is showing the signs of positive changes which are so desparately needed.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes for the New Year!
Best wishes to you too, Rahul ji!
DeleteYes, hopefully the next couple of generations will wipe away the sexist mindset. Fingers are crossed. And it lies with each of us to bring about this change.
Absolutely agree Ash. But blaming the society is not taking us anywhere, just deciding to lead our lives our own ways makes a lot of difference. Being an example of an awakened woman would be a lot more meaningful. Keep up the good work :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks :) you are absolutely right, each and every individual needs to start with him/herself - without being a hypocrite - it is no good to champion women's issues unless you practice fairness yourself. For e.g. Someone who protests against rape and then goes home and expects dowry from a future wife or daughter in law is a complete hypocrite.
Deleteabsolutely.
DeleteSo true! Change can come only from changing mindsets. It starts from each one's home and family. If each of us does our share, the society can change.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. It is the only way forward.
DeleteAbsolutely ! we need to start with small changes first -if we want to change the society we need to begin at home first ...
ReplyDeleteVery true :)
DeleteI have heard of this assault and recent reports as to the girl's poor condition. I cry for her and her friend who was assaulted as well by his inability to help. He must be devastated also.
ReplyDeleteWe have a disease here in US also but it is more deadly. More weapons than any country needs yields a killing any time someone feels defeated or insulted.
Could this be a product of too many people, too few jobs, and the resulting friction and interaction between people? But India has always had too many people, so I wonder . . .
Rapes happen everywhere, even in the West. The difference is delivery of justice. No one there blames the victim, and the criminals are suitably brought to task. It's entirely about the overall mindset of each society and culture.
DeleteAsh,
ReplyDeleteTruth told so clearly. You are right that the change in attitude is taking place but the pace is too slow. And unfortunately even elderly women who had faced and resented this inequality during younger days become part of biased system. They too favour sons more. We need to raise awareness level by all out efforts. Gender equality has to come out of just talks and become reality. Hope it does happen in my life time as I feel strongly about this. We did not discriminate between our daughter and son.
Take care
I am happy to hear that uncle, it is great to hear you and aunty regard your son and daughter equally. You are right, even elderly ladies tend to perpetuate misogyny. It's a real shame.
DeleteVery True. The attitude in the minds of the people has to change. No point blaming the whole system all the time, the change has to come from each and every individual, they should vow to respect women and treat them with dignity
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. It is the only thing that will foster change for the better.
DeleteTrue Ash.. We need a complete overhaul of the society but it will take a long time to achieve...
ReplyDeleteWhat I feel necessary immediately is putting in place a strict judicial system (say like Singapore) where every crime and discrimination against women will be given death penalty.
Given the present state of the society, I feel only horrible fear can bring in the change in mentality in due course of time.
Absolutely. The stick approach.
DeleteThe stick approach is totally unfit for a democracy, so is the death penalty, especially given that the death penalty may never be awarded (President's appeal). Neither is a reasonable idea. We need to progress as a whole society, and not have barbaric punishments.
DeleteMore than the quantum of punishment, certainty of punishment matters
That's the trouble. People know they can get away with it. There is no fear in them. And when the rich commit such crimes, jail is nothing less than a gilded cage for them. Society will need the passage of several generations for a mindset change to enter. In the meantime, something stronger is definitely needed.
DeleteI don't agree with your assessment: How is something stronger assured to punish the rich (just pulling out one of your arguments)? If the rich are going to live in gilded jails (presume corruption), then they aren't going to face the stick either (same corruption).
DeleteI've lived in Singapore, and I can tell you its more of an environment of constantly being threatened in order to behave (presuming everyone needs to be 'kept under check'), rather than one of a free society where rich and poor are assured of fair punishment in case they commit a crime. Which is better?
Ash, I completely agree with you. The change has to come from within but for that people have to first acknowledge that there is a problem. Hopefully, for some of us, the process has started. I hope it leads to visible changes.
ReplyDelete100% right, Amit. Recognizing the need for change is half the battle won. I admire your writing, by the way. Powerful, and so sensible.
Deletei agree with every single bit u said !! i hope someday our society will learn to respect women n treat them something beyond a toy to be used !! gr8 wrk buddy keep going,missed ur work lot in last month!
ReplyDeleteI hope so too! Thanks :)
DeleteYou are Doing Great Work..i am new to this blog and i am also agree with you.i just want to create some awareness among people and that's why i am creating a blog particularly based on crime on Women..
ReplyDeleteGood to hear!
DeleteKnow this is an old post, but thought I'd have my post recorded. This is one view I can't agree with feminists on: Violent rapists of the kind reported in media (not talking about marital rape or domestic violence - that's subjugation, no doubt) are mentally unfit people, and there is no way that they learnt that attitude from society, much in the same way that a murderer didn't learn that attitude from society. These are people who have the whole world figured out incorrectly.
ReplyDeleteWhy are there still violent rapes in countries like the US/Europe if they have a society that respects women? Because there are mentally unfit people everywhere.
Domestic violence and marital rape are tied to our culture, no doubt. Violent rape - definitely not.
I don't entirely agree, Mark. Yes, violent rape of this kind stems from a psychopathic mental disorder. But what about the millions of rapes taking place by men who think women are 'property' and 'commodities'... all rapes, though sick and barbaric, aren't this heinous. What about the rapes that take place in tribes and rural communities as a sick, twisted form, of 'revenge' ... to 'ruin' the woman's life? And what about the attitude of the law and the justice system towards women who've been assaulted (i.e. they were asking for it). No, its not 'just' psychopathy. It is a societal disease.
DeleteWhich part don't you agree with? You've said the same things I've said :)
DeleteNo doubt, the men who treat women like property are bred and assisted by our culture - I'm not even denying that (I used a blanket term of domestic violence in my post). So are the men who try to ruin women's lives. They are definitely assisted by society.
About the lax law and justice system, I get the feeling our law and order system always does victim blaming, not restricted to women (my house got robbed, and the inspector was accusing my father of being careless, and wouldn't register an FIR till higher-ups put pressure), so I think this a larger problem than blaming women. I'm trying to point out that we have law and order defects at large, which are unfortunately creating more crimes against women; not that we are only biased against women.
I still believe that violent rape is 'just' psychopathy. These are clearly people who are not deterred by any sort of punishment, or there wouldn't be rapes in the developed world. I don't think any amount of social pressure or claims of assured justice would make these violent rapists change.